


it shouldn`t have been you

by Pandacakescowgirl242



Category: Grantchester (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 20:38:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11066682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandacakescowgirl242/pseuds/Pandacakescowgirl242
Summary: during a chase, Sidney gets stabbed doing what he`s best at; protecting his friends..





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning : reference to sexual assault

"can you remember what you saw that night?" 

"can`t it wait until later? I`m extremely busy" 

"we just want to get our facts straight.." Geordie responded, gritting his teeth as their witness checked his watch again and then huffed. "I`m going to miss my train.." 

The case had been a complicated one, three murders, all women, all committed within a week, just days of each other and the only connection they could find of the victims were their eye colour - all three of them had exceptionally bright green eyes, that and the fact that something very similar to their case happened almost 10 years ago, back in 1945 and no one was arrested. As if things weren`t complicated enough their only witness to one of the murders, Samuel Preswick had been shot at the crime scene , possibly by the killer in order to keep him quiet and had woken up in the hospital with no memory what so ever of that night or how he was connected to their murder investigation. Ever since then they had been trying to work at regaining his memory as well as solve their investigation and hopefully bring closure to the families that had lost loved ones. 

"what do you want to know?" Samuel asked gruffly. "can we least walk towards the train station? I have a wife and child waiting in London that are eager to see me after everything`s that happened..."

"of course" Geordie began, falling into step beside him while Sidney took the other step. "are you sure you still can`t remember anything about that night? even after your break through with your memory?"

Samuel shook his head, checking his watch again as he cursed again. "I honestly can`t remember. that night..." his voice trailed off. "i just can`t remember. The doctor thinks its to do with the trauma from being shot when I saw what happened that has caused my amnesia. "

"nothing? not even about the woman that was murdered?" Sidney piped in. 

"what part of I don't remember do you not get?" Samuel snapped. "look - I just want to put all of this behind me; nightmares haunt me about all of this and its driving me mad." he exclaimed, starting to walk faster. Sidney and Geordie had to jog in order to catch him up. "i just want to be home with my beautiful daughter and wife..." 

"i understand that - truly I do" Geordie answered sympathetically, his mind picturing his own family. "but these three women who were killed had families just like you - who deserve closure as to why their mother... daughter... wife were killed" 

Samuel`s step faltered. "look - inspector - I`m sorry, truly I am.. my heart goes out to those families but there`s nothing I can do" he took a deep breath and looked down at his watch again. "I know I witnessed Madison`s murder - heaven knows I wish I could remember; to help her poor family but I can`t .. now if you`ll excuse me I need to get to the station" with that statement he sped up and hurried towards the station.

"my heart goes out to those families my arse" Geordie huffed. "come on, we might as well head back - no use standing round here in this weather" 

"you never know - maybe he meant it" Sidney responded as he turned back round, falling into step next to his friend. 

"yeah? and pigs might fly" 

Sidney just rolled his eyes before studying his friend. "don`t worry- all of those women , sarah, Eloise, Madison... we`ll bring closure to their families..." Sidney drifted off as he slowed down, thoughts racing. 

"i know I know - its just.. all of those women had children, it makes it even more horrible -Sidney?" Geordie stopped as he realised his friend was no longer with him and turned round, noticing his expression. he huffed out a breath as he walked back to Sidney. "what is it?" he sighed heavily. "i know that look - you've gone all distant....out with it. what have you suddenly realised?" 

"Samuel knew her name" Sidney pointed out as he looked up at his friend. 

"and...." 

"but he shouldn't have. he shouldn't have known Madison`s name... none of us never mentioned her name to him. how would he know? unless..." 

"unless..." Geordie suddenly realised what Sidney was getting at. 

"he`s our killer" Sidney finished off as he started to back away. "I bet you he isn't going to London... " before he took off running towards the train station. 

"oh shit.. Sidney wait!" Geordie exclaimed as the full force of the situation hit him. He darted across to the other side of the road to the telephone box, hurriedly punching in the station`s number and impatiently waiting to be connected. "Phil .. I need immediate back up at the train station now!" 

meanwhile Sidney had entered the station and stopped short as he reached the platform frantically looking for Samuel, turning in circles as he looked up and down the platform. "come on... " he muttered to himself. he turned round again and finally spotted him. He was standing much further up the platform, checking his watch every few seconds. Sidney began to walk towards him as Samuel looked up and turned, noticing Sidney approaching him. 

"look - I`ve already told you what I know. why cant you people just leave me alone!?" he snapped firmly. 

"give it up Samuel - we know its you.." Sidney replied as he slowly approached him to avoid any unwanted reaction. He studied his face as he watched Samuel`s expression flicker with realisation and everything seemed to slow down. 

Then what happened next happened quickly. Before Sidney could react, Samuel dropped his suitcase he was holding and darted towards him, pushing Sidney hard to the ground and ran back out of the station. Sidney scrambled up from the ground and gave chase, heading back out of the station. He looked wildly for Geordie before spotting him further up who had just begun to run after Samuel who was almost at the end of the road. 

Sidney could have kicked himself , of course he was going to do something like that. He shouldn't have made it easy for Samuel to get past him like that. He sped up a bit, catching up with Geordie who had just ran round the corner. Samuel was further up and stole a glance behind him, realising they were gaining on him and slipped down a side road. Sidney was still slightly further away by a couple of seconds and watched Geordie turn down that side road. He followed shortly after but almost ran into the back of Geordie. He looked up immediately to see what the problem was. 

Samuel was standing facing them, breathing hard. Arm outstretched... 

He was holding a knife.

"Look now - there's no need for that Samuel.." Geordie reasoned, his own voice laboured as he tried to catch his breath from running.

"Why not? Im facing a hanging sentence anyways..." Samuel growled back. 

"You killed them all didnt you?" Sidney pointed out, stepping around Geordie. "you didn`t really have amnesia either - you were just leading us on, away from the idea of it being you.." 

"worked didn't it?" Samuel scoffed. "you all fell for it. I always knew the pigs were stupid - however I thought the clergy might have been more sharper" he sighed before grinning. "You should have seen their faces... And when i killed them... their screams echoed as i pushed the knife into their stomach. " he sighed. "Dont you just love the sound of flesh tearing as the knife enters...." he had a far away look in his eyes. 

"Put the knife down Samuel.." Geordie demanded. 

"Do you wanna know why i kill with a knife?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. "I like to get up close and personal with my victims - you cant do that with a gun - a gun you stand further away - cowards way of killing someone" he laughed. "I like to be up close , you get to hear the tear as the knife enters.. the look of shock on their faces.. their screams.." he sighed heavily. "Such a lovely sound" 

Sidney and Geordie exclaimed looks. This guy was crazy. 

"Put the knife down Samuel... its over" Geordie reasoned. "Put it down" 

"You should have seen the girls faces when i killed them" Samuel continued as if Geordie hadn`t spoken. "One of them attempted to get away but i held her tight - madison i think it was. Oh how she screamed for her husband. She even begged me at one point to let her go to her children ..." 

Sidney felt sick. This man was crazy - physco even. "Why didnt you?" 

"Oh because the knife chose her.." he responded and he pointed the knife at Sidney as he noticed Sidney edging towards him. "Get any closer and this knife will make its presence known" 

"Sidney. Stop" Geordie raised his voice firmly. "Why the fixation with the bright green eyes? Was it because your sister had green eyes?" 

At the mention of his sister Samuel scowled. "Dont mention that bitch to me!" 

"I know what she did to you.." Geordie continued. "You were only 6 you couldnt have stopped it - or have no way of knowing what was going on... she was killed two years later by a truck wasn`t she?" 

"Ha! She deserved it!" He shouted. "I would have done it myself if that truck driver hadn`t" 

"But those girls you killed... they werent your sister.." Sidney pointed out, eyes on the knife. 

"Those eyes..." Samuel squeezed his eyes shut. "I'll never forget how they glittered... how they seemed to smile as she did what she did.." he shook his head. "Those girls had the same laughing eyes.. i had to kill them.. i had to wipe away any trace of my sister's exsistence." 

"but it`s not your sisters existence you`re wiping away- its innocent peoples.They had families.." Sidney said. "I know what your sister did to you was horrible but that doesn't mean you can harm those who look like her.." 

"She ruined my life!" Samuel shouted, tears burning his eyes. "She ruined my life! And my mum didn`t even care!" 

"Is that why you killed your mum as well?" Sidney asked. 

"I didn`t love her... she only loved my sister" Samuel sniffed. "So i killed her.." he sniffed. "Dont mention my mum" 

Sidney decided to inch closer but was rewarded with the knife again. He stopped. "You loved your sister though... even though what she did to you was unthinkable" 

Samuel squeezed his eyes shut against the tears. "I did ... until that day.. " 

"You were so thankful when she was killed.." 

"She had to be stopped.. what better way then her to be killed!" Samuel snapped as he wiped his eyes, his hands becoming shaky. "She ruined me!" 

"I know... it must have been hard to have someone whom you care about and trust do something like that" Sidney said softly.

His arm began to drop slowly. "I loved her... " 

"I know you did... i know." Sidney continued , edging closer again. "But she didnt seem to love you back.. " 

"She was a crappy sister" Samuel sniffed. 

"Yes she was. But you still loved her..." 

Samuel wiped at the tears on his cheeks. "I can still see her smile.. how her eyes glistened as she..." he squeezed his eyes shut. The knife dropped to his side. "Those girls had her eyes! They had to be killed!"

"Because they looked like your sister?" Geordie said. "What about your mother?" 

"Becuase she let my sister do what she did to me! Me!? Her little brother!" He screamed. He wiped the tears of his face and straightened up. Knife raised again. "I told you not to mention my mum!" 

Sidney was confused at the 180 change and stole a glance at Geordie. "Geordie..." 

"Samuel Preswick .. you're under arrest for the murders of-" geordie started but was cut off as Samuel lunged for him. Sidney saw his knife raise up and ran to grasp Samuel from behind, pulling his knife arm away from Geordie. Georide managed to move quickly from the knife and grasp his arm. 

Samuel growled and threw his elbow back into Sidney's abdomen. Sidney stepped back in shock, letting go of Samuel in surprise who lunged forward again from Geordie. "Im facing a hanging sentence anyways so.. why not add a cop to my victim list?" 

Geordie blocked him. "I have backup coming as we speak.." 

"Oh ... managed to call your little friends did you...?" Samuel sneered as he thrusted his knife towards Geordie. 

A scruffle. Someone cursed. Geordie felt himself being pushed away and somehow ended up on the floor. Samuel was screaming again with a wild look in his eyes - he had lost it. A muffled gasp of pain came from his right and then a gunshot sounded as Samuels face registered shock before he fell backwards from the force, blood beginning to seep from the wound on his shoulder, staining the ground red. He cried out in agony. "Cowards... way.." he groaned. 

Geordie stood up, brushing himself off before grabbing his handcuffs. Sidney was on the other side of Samuel- hand on Samuels arm keeping him down while the other was wrapped round his abdomen. 

"You okay?" Phil asked as he jogged over. 

Geordie nodded. "Take the bastard away" 

Phil nodded and headed over to Samuel who howled in pain as phil pulled him up none to roughly and dragged his hands behind him, snapping on handcuffs before dragging him to the waiting police car. Geordie made to follow but stopped when he realised Sidney wasn't with him. He turned around and found him still kneeling where he was orginally. "Hey Sidney. What are you doing?" He called as he walked back towards him. 

Sidney looked up at him as he pulled a knife out of his stomach with shaky, bloody hands. The colour drained from Geordie`s face. "Geordie.." Sidney said shakily before the energy seemed to desert him completely and he collapsed to the ground.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry late update on this! I had so many exams to revise for its just been hard to write. My last exam was friday (yesss) so im free!
> 
> Warning: surgery detail - nothing graphic. 
> 
> also it may not be intirely authentic with what happened in surgery (please dont hate me) but i tried and hope you guys like it! I also decided to do 3 chapters for this story instead of 2 :)

"hey Sidney. what are you doing?" Geordie asked as he walked towards his friend who was still kneeling on the ground. he stopped dead in his tracks as he watched Sidney remove a knife, slick with his blood out of his stomach. "Geordie...." 

Geordie could feel the blood drain from his face and his heart wrenched as he watched Sidney collapse onto the ground. he didn't waste anymore time as he unfroze himself and ran to Sidney. "oh shit.. oh shit" he mumbled as he dropped to his knees next to Sidney. There was so much blood already - so much blood already caking his shirt as well as the ground. 

He heard footsteps behind him and turned around briefly. "call for an ambulance and quickly!" Geordie yelled, the desperation thick in his voice. the officer nodded and ran off straight away. He turned his attention back to Sidney who was starting to freak out. "easy Sidney - everything`s going to be okay.." he tore his jacket off hurriedly. "move your hands" 

Sidney shook his head. Every breath he took hurt so much. 

"Sidney." Geordie said more gently yet with a hint of desperation. "move your hands" before Sidney could even answer Geordie grasped his bloody , shaky hands and moved them, quickly replacing them with his jacket, pressing firmly. 

Sidney was in a world of pain as he arched slightly and brought his hands up to Geordie`s trying desperately yet feebly to move them away. "Stop!" 

"i need to put pressure on it Sidney..." Geordie responded, pressing further onto the wound causing Sidney`s hands to resurface onto his in an attempt to pry them off. "stop!" 

"do you want to bleed out over the floor" Geordie snapped back angrily. In truth, he was scared; there was just so much blood. He applied more pressure in an attempt to keep the blood inside the body it was so desperate to leave... 

Sidney just groaned this time as he arched slightly. 

"jeez Sidney... why did you have to go and get yourself in this mess?" He commented, more so to keep Sidney awake but also for his own comfort. 

Sidney shrugged, which he immediately regretted when a wave of pain flooded through him. His breathing was becoming more and more ragged as it became harder and harder to breathe normally. He was so tired... 

"Sidney.." Geordie said ugently. "Sidney,.. you need to stay awake." he adjusted his hands before looking back up at Sidney. "talk to me... How`s Amanda hmm? How`s Grace coming along?" when Sidney didn't respond he patted his cheek." Sidney... talk. you need to stay awake" 

"m` tired" Sidney replied. "its hurts..."

"i know it does Sidney.. just - stay awake" Geordie had never felt so helpless. "How`s Amanda?" 

"good.. " 

"and the baby?" 

another groan of pain. "good.." 

where was that ambulance? he cursed to himself. "give me more then that Sidney..." 

Sidney just groaned in response and then writhered in pain again as another spasm shot through him. 

"easy Sidney..." Geordie soothed, glancing down at his hands and jacket when he could feel a warm stickiness slowly spilling out and staining his hand. He suddenly felt sick as the memories of being shot resurfaced to the front of his mind as he watched the blood leak out through the jacket and spill out across his hands, covering his fingers. His hands started to shake ever so slightly and he had the sudden urge to pull his hands away. He swallowed against the impulse and shook his head to rid of the memories - Sidney needed him. "it`s going to be okay..." he applied pressure once again to the wound, having not realised he had loosened the pressure and prayed for the sound of sirens to sound anytime soon. 

Sidney could tell he was on the brink of consciousness - everything seemed to be fading in and out of focus. All he wanted was the pain to end - to stop. 

finally, it seemed his prayers had been answered when the sweet sound of sirens pierced the air. "help`s coming Sidney.. just a little bit more - then you can sleep but not any earlier"Geordie commanded. 

Finally the ambulance pulled up a short distance away from them as two paramedics jumped out and ran over to them carrying a stretcher between them both. Without question they immediately transfered Sidney onto the stretcher with help from Geordie and almost instantly the two paramedics took him towards the waiting ambulance. 

Once inside the ambulance, the paramedics immediately switched the sirens on as they pulled out, heading towards the nearest hosptial. Geordie had his hand on Sidney's arm, partily for his comfort but mostly for his own. The paramedics had hastily taped down a bandage over the stab wound but knew immediately that Sidney was better off in hospital. Geordie squeezed his arm, trying to ground himself. The blood - the hospital- everything was reminding him off being shot and moments were flashing through his mind.

"Have .. they caught - Samue-"

Geordie cut him off. " dont even think about asking about the case Sidney... otherwise i'll personally knock you out"

"Thats... no way.. to talk to .... an invalid" Sidney grumbled, as his eyes slid shut again, an attempt to block out the pain.

"Just shut up and save your strength" Geordie replied as he leaned forward. "You're going to be fine"

"Lair" Sidney replied as another spasm of pain ripped through him and his hand flung out as he squeezed his eyes shut. Geordie caught his hand and squeezed it. "You're going to be okay" he said with as more determination in his voice as he could.

Sidney struggled to pay attention to what his friend was saying as sound sounded like it was coming through a filter. The pain had been replaced with a dull burning sensation in his stomach - which he didn't know was a good or a bad thing- maybe he had lost too much blood.

The paramedic came into view again as he taped down another bandage over the first one that was now speared with red and it was growing.

The burning sensation in his side was replaced with agonising pain again as the paramedic pressed down firmly onto the wound causing him to arch as he cried out. The paramedic apologised soothingly as he kept his hands pushed firmly over the wound to keep the bandages in place.

Geordie had never felt so helpless. There was nothing he could do to ease his friends pain except to sit there and talk. Seeing his friend in so much pain- he just hoped that Sidney lost consciousness. At least that way he wouldnt be in so much pain...

After a further 5 minutes of agonising pain Sidney fell quiet as he lost consciousness just as they arrived at the hospital. He was immediately wheeled into the hospital through the corridor, Geordie not far behind before a nurse placed her hand firmly on Geordie's chest, saying words he didn't hear. All his attention was on his friend as he was wheeled further ahead towards surgery. He tried to argue with the nurse- to put up a fight - to do anything but she kept him away, repeatedly telling him no. He gave up the fight and watched the nurse briskly walk away,the helpnessless once again welling up inside of him like vomit. He wondered if this had been how Sidney had felt knowing there was nothing he could do except wait...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The doctor hastily ripped open Sidney's shirt attaching several wires to him as the monitors came alive, beeping and whirling. he pulled off the temporary bandages the paramedics had placed there- blood immediately welling to the top of the wound.

"O2 stats have dropped" a nurse called out.

Another nurse nearby pulled an oxygen mark off the side and hastily placed it over Sidney's mouth and nose.

"BPs dropped " another nurse called out.

"Dammit" the doctor murdered before beginning immediately to stitch up the wound, ignoring the sounds of machines.

The first nurse headed over to help, along with a couple of others- all of them bustling around in haste to save him.

"Whar knife was used?" The doctor asked, noting the tearing off the wound.

"The police haven't comfirmed it - but it looks more like a sharp edged dagger" a nurse beside him answered as she placed her hands over the wound in Sidney's stomach so the doctor could work.

"O2 stats are still dropping.." another called out in a panic.

"Dammit" the doctor said again. "I've nearly done" he concentrated in stitching up the knife wound, sealing the blood inside.

"Pulse is falling- rapidly. BPs failing fast too"

"How!?" The doctor cried as he looked up in a panic. He looked up at the monitors as he watched the numbers tick backwards fast. "The wounds stitched up"

"We must have missed something" the nurse standing next to him replied.

"But what?"

"He's failing!"

The numbers were falling rapidly as the doctor began searching for another wound - something they had missed. "Where's he losing blood from?"

The heart monitor blared out a single beep as the line was straight. Everyone in the room stepped into action beginning to perform CPR - trying to get Sidney back.

"I need to know where he's still bleeding from.." the doctor said. "Keep that oxygen mark on him!" He shouted as he began to reopen the wound on Sidney's stomach.

"What are you doing?" One of the nurses asked as they began compresses against Sidney's chest. "Come on..."

"He's still bleeding internally" the doctor replied as he hastily cut open the stitches he had done, grateful to suddenly hear the heart monitor beep although it was slow- his BPs levels still hastily dropping.

"Where are you bleeding from..?" The doctor muttered to himself as he hastily searched in the stab wound, blood spilling out onto the table.

"He's failing again!"

"I cant find where he's bleeding from still"

He saw out of the corner of his eye his nurses beginning to preform CPR again. "Come on... we're not going to lose you...."

More blood slipped out of the wound before finally he found where the knife had cut into a muscle and was still weeping blood. "Got it!" He hastily stitched the muscle up before stitching up the wound.

Two of his nurses were still performing CPR on Sidney who still wasn't breathing.

"His BP is still dangerously low" a nurse called out.

"its nearly done" the doctor exclaimed, working hard to stitch up the wound, every inch of his gloved hands covered in blood. The heart monitor was still a continuous beep. "Done!" He exclaimed cutting the string before going over to help the nurses "come on.... breathe! i'm not going to lose you Mr Chambers - i dont want to have to be the one to tell the inspector"

After 5 more long, agonising minutes Sidney took a in a gasp of breath through the oxygen mark as the heart monitor began to beep in time with his pulse. It was weak - but it was still there.

Everyone sighed in relief but only allowed the relieve to last a second before stepping into action and attaching various IV lines to him.

"He made it" the doctor said, relief evident in his voice.

"He's a fighter" a nurse replied. "Besides he wouldn't leave everyone - they need him"


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well there you have it! hope you have all enjoyed the mini adventure! :D thank you so much for the kudos:) it means a lot to me. :) ps. I apologise in advance if there are any mistakes :)

It had been almost an hour since they had wheeled Sidney to surgery and so far - nothing. Not a peep out of anyone. No one had come out to tell him anything and his nerves had spiked. Geordie had long since given up sitting down and was pacing backwards and forwards, every possible situation racing through his mind like a never ending train track going round and round in circles. It was physically exhausting. 

"He did it. It was him that murdered those girls all along" 

Geordie stopped his pacing as he looked up. Phil had stopped a little distance away from him, frowning at him. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah yeah im fine. So he confessed then?" Geordie replied. "So thats murder and attempted murder thats going down for him?" 

Phil nodded, still not taking his eyes off of Geordie. Finally he cleared his throat. "Have you seen your clothes?" 

"Hmm?" No sooner though had Phil said that, that Geordie could feel the stiffness in his clothes, now that the adrenaline of getting Sidney to hospital had past. He looked down at himself and realised his shirt sleeves and hands, aswell as parts of his chest were covered in blood.... Sidney's blood. "Ohhh" 

"Is he going to be okay?" 

Geordie looked back at Phil and felt a lump rise in his throat at the question. He swallowed several times before replying, " i dont know" 

Phil nodded before backing away slowly. "I better get back.. thought you should know"

Geordie nodded as he turned away, staring at his bloodied hands that shook ever so slightly. He felt contaminated and the impulse to wash it all away flooded through his as he looked for the nearest bathroom. He spotted one at the end of the corridor and started his way over there, ignoring the looks that people gave him as he passed. One nurse had stopped to ask him if he was okay but he assured her he was, that it wasnt his and moved on, the urge to wash it off screaming loudly in his head knowing he was covered in his best friends blood.... 

Sidney's blood. 

As soon as he entered the bathroom he rushed to the sink and began scrubbing at his hands desperately to get the blood off. He watched as the water turning pink then dark red as the dried blood slowly started to wash off. Finally his hands were raw but clean so he dried them off, catching his reflection in the mirror. He looked awful. All pale and shaky ... blood still caked his shirt. He turned away and stepped back into the corridor, resuming his pacing where the nurse had left him just over an hour ago....

Finally after two hours of pacing and waiting a nurse finally came out to see him. "You here for Sidney Chambers?"

Geordie stood up as the nurse approached him. "Yes - yes i am. Is he okay?"

"I`m not going to lie, it was hard going and we lost him a few times on the table. These next 24 hours will be critical but if he survives that then he has a good chance of getting better and with lots of rest and recuperation he`ll be fine" the nurse assured him gently.

Geordie nodded, to choked up with relief to say anything. "can I see him?"

"another nurse will be out shortly to come and get you and take you to him" she replied with a smile before heading down the corridor.

he was going to be okay! he was going to be okay! he sunk down into one of those hard plastic hospital chairs with relief, that line going round his head over and over. Sidney was going to be okay. he had thought for a moment - especially after seeing the amount of blood that had caked the floor.. his shirt... Sidney`s shirt that perhaps he wouldn`t see him again. Sidney was a fighter though- he`ll always be a fighter..

"Geordie!? Geordie?" 

Geordie looked up startled as his name was shouted, standing up when he recognised he was looking at Amanda and Mrs Maguire. "what are you both doing here?" 

"Phil told us what happened. oh my god, is he going to be okay? where is he?" Amanda asked, her voice getting higher and higher as she threw new questions at him. "i thought you were meant to be protecting him!? yet you let him get stabbed!" 

"calm down.. he`s going to be fine"

"he`s been stabbed! how's that fine!" Amanda snapped. 

"i know you`re worried about him - but he`s going to be fine" Geordie assured her. 

"you were meant to protect him! but you let him get stabbed! I`m allowed to worry!" 

"can you keep the noise down?" a stern looking nurse demanded as she came out of the ward. "we have sick patients here and I do not want them to be disturbed" 

Amanda nodded and took a seat, taking a few deep calming breaths. 

Mrs Maguire and Geordie followed suit,taking a seat either side of her.

"what happened?" 

he knew that question would come up. he recounted what had happened, how they had chased after a suspect, how he was armed with a knife and how the suspect had tried to kill him but somehow managed to stab Sidney. his voice trailed off as he replayed those crucial moments that led up to Sidney being stabbed. Amanda was right .. he hadn`t protected his friend when he should have. he allowed Samuel to stab him. 

"inspector Keating? are you okay?" 

"hmm?" he looked up at Mrs Maguire. "I`m okay" he turned to Amanda. "where`s Grace?" 

"she`s with Leonard" she replied flatly."it was a bit of a rushed decision - as soon as I found out what happened to Sidney... I had to come out and make sure he was alright" 

silence consumed the atmosphere around them as they watched nurses bustle back and forth, all thoughts on Sidney. Time passed slowly as half an hour later another nurse, who introduced herself as Victoria, took them to Sidney`s room. "he`s extremely tired so don`t keep him up too long" she said gently as she pushed the door open that led into his room. she allowed them through, smiling as they entered. 

Geordie was the first to enter the room, followed closely by Mrs Maguire and Amanda. Sidney was laying in the bed, his head turned sleepily round to face them as they entered, a small smile played at his lips. 

"how are you doing?" Geordie asked. 

"tired" Sidney replied hoarsely, through eyelids that struggled to stay open. he looked exhausted, his hair was all mussed up and he had dark circles under his eyes. he was also no longer in his vicar garb but in a hospital gown. Geordie didn't have to look to know that he had a bandage wrapped round the wound. "you both... didn't have to ... come" 

"oh my poor boy" Mrs M immediately began to fuss, stroking his hair back from his forehead while giving him a good telling off which Amanda and Geordie weren't paying attention too and she headed outside of the room, to stand in the corridor. Geordie followed. "I`m sorry" he said quietly. " you were right - I didn`t protect him and I`m so sorry" 

Amanda shook her head. "it wasn`t your fault. these things happen - what I said earlier ... I was upset, I was worried about him. I didn`t know what I was saying"

"I`m so sorry. I should have made sure he was further away from Samuel - so he didn`t get hurt. " 

"don't beat yourself up inspector" Amanda replied. "besides, you know what Sidney`s like. he would have still followed you and tried to help even if you had stopped him" 

"hmmm" Geordie replied. 

"I'm sorry again inspector... for what I said" Amanda replied just as Mrs Maguire came out of the room. 

"shall we go and see if we can find some drinks or something?" she asked Amanda, sending a glare towards her to silently communicate.

"oh its okay I don't think- " she began before seeing Mrs Maguire`s facial expression and she finally clocked on. "actually - a drink sounds lovely" she turned to Geordie. " look after him while we`re gone?" she stated before turning away and heading down the corridor.

Geordie turned to look at the door. the guilt inside of him that he had been feeling before he had seen Sidney had tripled since he had seen him - and it was chewing him up. All of this was his fault. if he had done something about the situation, Sidney would never have been stabbed.

he aimed a kick at a chair in spite of releasing some of the buit up frustration and guilt that welled inside of him before he took a deep breath in and re-entered Sidney`s room. The exhaustion must have caught up with him though because Sidney had fallen asleep. he lent in the doorway instead, quietly studying him as he slept. He knew the next 24 hours for Sidney were critical - but as long as he fought through the 24 hours , he`ll be okay. maybe he wanted Sidney to be okay so maybe - just maybe - the guilt that was still chewing him up would go away...

He looked so much younger and almost child like when sleeping, his messy hair swept across his forehead with the blankets swamping him. "This should never have happened... it should never have happened" Geordie shook his head softly before turning round as a nurse side stepped round him, a gentle hand on his shoulder, asking him to leave. he picked up his coat as he looked up at the time - just gone 10 at night - before he made his way to the exit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER...

Sidney winced as the laughter that ripped through him caused the pain to flare up in his stomach. "stop! are you trying to kill me by laughing?" he attempted to stop laughing but it didn't work.

"maybe" Geordie replied, his mouth aching, as well as his stomach from laughing. "much better way to go if you ask me"

"thanks" Sidney responded as he tried to sit up a little higher but the pain that was still throbbing in his side stopped him short as a gasp slipped out of his lips.

"stop trying to move you idiot" Geordie responded, the traces of the laughter they had been in, gone, but stood up as he supported him and lifted him up slightly so he was sitting up.

Sidney hated how even by that simple movement he was panting from the exertion of it as the colour drained from his face.

"now you`ve done it" Geordie rolled his eyes , though there was deep concern in his voice. "do you want me to fetch someone?"

Sidney shook his head as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to gain control of the pain that throbbed through him with every pulse. once he had the pain under control he was able to breathe easily as he relaxed against the pillows behind him, reopening his eyes that were no longer blue depths of pain.

"are you sure you don't want me to fetch someone? you don't look so good.."

"thanks. you do know how to boost up someone`s esteem" Sidney replied, the exhaustion already settling in his limbs. "how`s everything at the vicarage?" he asked as he shifted slightly, gasping slightly as he put pressure on his side.

"you don't need to be worrying about that" Geordie responded. " jeez, stop bloody moving Sidney"

silence lapsed up the atmosphere around them, the only sound that could be heard was the beeping and whirling of the machines - something that Geordie didn't mind - with every beep it reassured him that his best friend was going to be okay.

"how are you?"

the question made Geordie look up at his friend before snorting. "i should be asking you that Sidney.. not the other way round"

"seemed appropriate"

Geordie grunted.

"its not your fault.." it was said so quietly that Geordie almost thought he had imagined it. he looked up at him again before looking down at his hands.

"Geordie... it`s not your fault"

"how is it not?"

"you weren't the one to stab me"

Geordie could feel the frustration and anger rising up inside of him. "Yeah! but - it should have been me!" he suddenly snapped, causing Sidney to jump. "he was aiming for me Sidney! not you! but somehow ! - he managed to get you instead!" the frustration inside of him had reached its breaking point and there was no stopping him from venting. "he wanted to kill a cop! or injure but instead he caught you! who shouldn't have even been there - I should have ... made sure you weren't there! he shouldn`t have got you! he should have got me! but somehow I fell..." he drifted off, suddenly realising what had happened, he looked wide eyed towards Sidney who had shuffled to lay back down again, his sleepy head turned so he could face him. "you pushed me out the way didn`t you" it wasn`t a question, it was a statement.

Sidney didn't respond as he looked down at his hand that had the IV line going in.

"you bastard"

"I couldn't let you get stabbed" Sidney responded, his eyes drooping heavily. "you`ve been shot before. I`m sorry for worrying everyone. I have to admit - I didn't expect it to hit that low" how was he still so tired? 

Geordie didn`t know what to say. he was too speechless. "it shouldn`t have been you" he grasped a hold of Sidney`s hand, more like the way Sidney had done to him when he had been shot and squeezed it tightly. "it shouldn`t have been you" he repeated.

Sidney didn't respond as he allowed his eyes to close - he was so tired- and allowed the sound of the machines to lull him back to sleep.

"you bastard" he repeated quietly, studying his face. "it shouldn`t have been you"


End file.
